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The Power of Our Words: Using Language of Reverence

  • Writer: Cortlan Waters Bartley
    Cortlan Waters Bartley
  • 23 hours ago
  • 2 min read

At CM, we believe our words carry power. The way we speak to children, to each other, and even to ourselves shapes how we see our community and how children see themselves. This practice of choosing our words and meanings is called the Language of Reverence. 


The Language of Reverence is more than just being polite. It’s about choosing words that reflect our values, our respect, and our belief in every person’s dignity. Over time, this model emphasizes creating a powerful shared language that allows all members of the community to feel respected and valued.  

a chart describing the Language of Reverence about/with Children: Was becomes Is, impulsive becomes instinctive, testing becomes seeking clarification, needy becomes has needs, attention seeking becomes connection seeking, manipulative becomes using their resources, giving me hard time becomes having a hard time, and defiant becomes making a different choice.
Small shifts in phrases and/or word choice like those in the list above can help promote respectful communication. 

What does this look like in practice? 


Positive Phrasing: Replace a negative statement with a clear, affirmative statement.

Body Language: Our body language, facial expressions, and tone matter just as much as our words.  A calm, respectful voice communicates safety and care. 

Careful use of “no.” In Montessori, “no” is reserved for moments of real safety or urgency, so children learn to trust it and respond immediately. If “no” is used constantly, it loses its power. 

Offering choices: Whenever possible, children are given choices between acceptable options. This allows them to practice independence while still working within clear boundaries. 

Using “wait.” Sometimes, children need help learning patience. Using the word “wait” acknowledges their request while modeling respect and self-regulation.

A chart with examples of positive phrasing: Instead of no thank you, say please stop, instead of don't run, say walk, instead of do you want to (clean up, eat lunch, etc) say it's time to (clean up, eat lunch, etc), instead of don't do that, say we are (cleaning up, getting ready, etc) right now, instead of stop waving that around, say hold that carefully.
Examples of Positive Phrasing in everyday communication.

At home, families can bring the Language of Reverence into daily routines: 

  • Thank your child for contributions, big and small. 

  • Acknowledge effort rather than only focusing on results: “I see you worked carefully on that drawing.” 

  • Use precise language to name objects, emotions, and experiences, showing respect for your child’s growing understanding of the world. 

  • Pause before correcting or redirecting so that your words and tone reflect care as well as guidance. 


Read more about Montessori Grace & Courtesy in this article from the American Montessori Society. 


Here are some more resources for parents from Public Montessori in Action: 


 
 
 

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